Rape.

You knew my past. You knew what happened to me. But you still couldn’t understand that my body is only mine, that you couldn’t use it for your own pleasure. You raped me.You injured me the worst way possible. What did you do to me? You raped my body, but it’s like you raped my mind. BDSM. I want to role- play “rape play”. I want to injure myself. In my own conditions. I want to win the power of owning my own body back. I hope you never forget my screams.

Raped. The day you decided to destroy my life is the day that I will never forget. It’s something that I find impossible to recover from. I remember the exact moment that you switched roles, from the possible next boyfriend or from a long hookup, to my rapist. To the person I would hate most in this world. It took me some time to realize the damage you caused inside me. In one night, you managed to take away everything I had, everything I was. It took me a while to realize that I had been raped. An old friend of mine was the one that explained to me that I actually had been raped. I couldn’t believe it. I tried to excuse the rape so many times. I had so many sessions with my psychologist where I talked about it, I always wondered your side of the story. I tried to humanize you so bad.

I feel like I’m being punished from god.

24-09-19

You are a monster. Now I realize that. 

28-10-19

I can’t sleep. I can’t think. I feel like I’m dead inside. I think about rape all the time. I dream about being raped and/or sexual assaulted. I’m afraid every time I leave the house. I feel like I can see you wherever I go. I can’t have sex with my boyfriend anymore. I can’t be near him. I’m so afraid of closure. I feel like you are there in every corner, watching me. I don’t know what to do about you. I’m gonna get revenge on you someday.

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